The Pain of Procrastination

For the first two decades of my medical career, work usually got the best of me. Here's a look at how it caused procrastination and the lesson's learned from the lasting pain...

On this Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting on my father’s passing over a decade ago.

At that time, I was working full-time in a physician leadership role, leading a cancer outreach volunteer group, and raising three young children to name a few. There were many nights when I functioned on just a few hours of sleep. I’m embarrassed to admit that when my mother would urge me to “get some sleep,” my typical response was, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” I cringe at the thought now, especially as a physician who should know better.

Thankfully, I visited my dad in October, just before his 80th birthday. He had been diagnosed with metastatic cancer several years earlier and was scheduled to start traditional chemo in December due to disease progression. He was too ill to visit us at Christmas that year, and I promised to visit him instead. I kept postponing my trip, as winter is a busy season for pediatricians. Unfortunately I waited until it was too late. He passed away peacefully in his sleep that February.

Me and my dad on my wedding day in July 2000. 

This was a profound lesson in the pain of procrastination.

I’d like to believe that my father’s passing taught me a valuable lesson. After that, I made it a priority to visit my step-dad and aging step-grandmother 2-3 times a year, even if it meant traveling alone with my three young children. Before this, I missed my step-grandmother’s 90th and 95th birthdays because I was “too busy” to take the time off. Fortunately, I was there to celebrate her 100th, and I will cherish that memory forever.

My family and I also started prioritizing annual vacations. In the past, we would get too busy to pause and plan and let years go by without one.

In medicine, we are taught to put off our own needs. We delay eating, sleeping, going home, seeing our family, taking a vacation, getting married, and even starting a family.

No longer allowing delayed gratification to be the norm.

In recent years, as my aging parents and step-grandmother faced major health and end-of-life crises, I made sure I was fully present. I am grateful that I learned lessons from my father’s passing and began to prioritize my family as much as I did my medical career. I can look back without regret, knowing I was there for my loved ones during their final stages of life.

Now, as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day come around, I no longer have relatives in those roles. Yet, the sting is less painful, knowing that I learned to show up for my family as much as I was showing up for my patients.

How are you showing up for yourself and your family?

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